It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
