I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
