He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
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