I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
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