Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
