Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
