i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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