I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
