yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
