I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
They took my balls.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
