He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
