Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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