The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
