I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
