got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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