Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
