I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
only if we run a train.
done.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
