I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
