Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
If I had your ass I would rule the world
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