brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
