He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
