I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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