I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
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