as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
The power of my boobs compel you
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
