can we get nightvision for the apartment?
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
