It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
