You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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