There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
