I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
