Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Randomize
