I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i was born a porn star she said
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Randomize
