He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
