Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
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