nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
