I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
