Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
