so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
