P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
