Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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