At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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