She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
