I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
