Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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