I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
