I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
