I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
