Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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