so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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