Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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