I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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