If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
